Deep Desire to Be Deeply Desired

My pursuit for love was a relentless one.

I never thought myself desperate. Yet, glimpses in the review mirror show otherwise…

Knuckles white from my grip on the wheel, my hands start to loosen and I look up.

There in the rearview-

I see her- long brown hair in a bow, dress slightly swaying, and insistent on interrupting every adult conversation in progress. Front and center she takes the stage, or the patio ledge. With hairbrush in fist and hand on hip, from the top of her lungs an offbeat in tune rendition of –

“On the Good Ship Lollipop”- pours out so heartily.

They clap and cheer. She is delighted.

Their approval was all that mattered. Desperate.

Head is down. I tightly clutch the wheel again.

Thinking of that little girl reminds me of all that life has changed.

She was bold, fearless, and magnetic.

Confident just as she was…

Apprehensive, I cannot help but lift my eyes one more time to the rearview.

There she is again starry-eyed, seventeen, and helplessly writing love notes. A pretty, popular, high school cheerleader and homecoming queen, she holds many titles. He is a football player, handsome, and admired. He took her love notes, read them, gave them meaning for a long while,

used them, and handed them back to her in pieces.

Just desperate for the title of being his- she sacrifices much.

This glimpse from the past hurts a bit more than the previous.

Feelings of vulnerability, rejection, and loss fill my heart as tears fill my eyes.

I glance away from the rearview- it hurts.

Suddenly warmth fills me, I am calm and safe.

My chin is lifted, not voluntarily, and my eyes again peer through the rearview.

In a deep gaze, I see something quite different.

Long brown hair in a bow, dress slightly swaying, and I take the patio stage
with hairbrush in hand.

There is no audience except for the Silhouette of One.

I finish my performance eagerly awaiting praise.

The Silhouette is clapping, however I can’t hear it.

The Silhouette has an endless bouquet of roses, and boxes of fine chocolates but I fail to see any of it.

I put my head down.

My chin lifts. I stare.

There she is again starry-eyed, seventeen, and helplessly writing love notes.

He took her love notes and handed them back to her in pieces.

As I look further, I see the Silhouette with papers in hand.

Many papers wrinkled and taped, but whole.

My love notes.

He waited to lavish me with flowers and chocolates following my grand performance.

He kept every love letter with anticipation to show me His.

The truest gentleman and lover of my heart.

Yearning only to be my deepest desire.

Delight Yourself in the Lord and He will give your hearts desires' to you. Psalm 37:4

He knows and loves our hearts.  He desires to truly fill them.

 

I post my heart hoping to connect yours with His- 

The One who graciously walks around our hearts and patiently waits in our thoughts-

 just to be desired.

 

I have to be honest.  This entire blog is product of a burning desire to share His deeply satisfying love to the species that craves relationship most- women. In pursuing these scholarship opportunities, this blog was birthed.  As I started to follow and read from all of the women's blogs involved in this pursuit, the Lord was doing a tremendous real work in my heart.  Because of these opportunities, I have learned so much so quickly.  There is a whole world of information out there that I never knew existed.   In one month I started a blog, submitted an article for a chance to be published in P31's great magazine, am teaching myself to tweet (kind of), found a friend, and wealth of resources:  Cecil Murprhy's Writers Blog, and Holy Experience, are just a couple.  Who would of thought?  But you know what I am learning most, through visiting the blogs of these women and gleaning wisdom from their stories- anything that is truly beneficial to another person, is only that which He has whispered clearly in their hearts- nothing extra.  As He leads, He works.  I pray that He will lead and trust me to be a tool He uses to touch the hearts of women.  Do you desire the same?  Check out the She Speaks Conference.  I have to already say thank you to the She Speaks community, I have been forever blessed in this pursuit.  Thank you for pushing me forward.  Ann, your post broke me. Thank you- If you haven't seen it, you need to; and you can also apply for this scholarship-HERE Thank you for this opportunity.